Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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