yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
