I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
