Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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