so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
