her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
