Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
