no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
