you lied. pity sex is amazing.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
try to milk me bitch
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