Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
