I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
