Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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