I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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