Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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