I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Terrible idea I love it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
