Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
