u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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