How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there was a trapeze. enough said
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
