think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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