I seem to have left my pride at pride
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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