I'm lost and stupid without you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
