Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I just sharted jello shots
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
