My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
