I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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