i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
