We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
