She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
