bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
its liver damage thursday
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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