thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
