that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
