So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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