Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
