Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
