i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
