Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
