2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
