i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
