And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
