Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
