We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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