That's intense
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you have feelings for this penis?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
