Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
