It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
