I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
