Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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