I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You smell like stripper and shame
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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