apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
