There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
