Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
