just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
