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Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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