The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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