U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize